Codependency Counselling Online in BC: What to Expect

Codependency counselling is support for you, the partner, parent, adult child or sibling of someone whose substance use has taken over family life. Online sessions mean you can start from anywhere in British Columbia, and the person you are worried about does not need to be in treatment, in recovery or even aware that you are going.

This guide covers who it suits, what the first few sessions usually look like, how to choose a counsellor, and what it costs.

Who Codependency Counselling Is For

Most people who book codependency counselling do not use that word about themselves at first. They describe the situation instead:

• “I check his phone, his car and his breath before I can relax.”
• “Every time she calls, I am already planning what to say if she has relapsed.”
• “I have paid off his debts twice and I know I will do it again.”
• “Everyone in the family says I need to let go, and I do not know how.”

If your days are organised around another person’s drinking, drug use or gambling, and your own needs keep landing at the bottom of the list, this kind of counselling is built for you. It is not a diagnosis, and it does not mean something is wrong with you. Our article on what codependency really is explains the pattern in more depth.

How It Differs From Couples or Addiction Counselling

These three get confused, so it helps to separate them:

• Codependency counselling is about you: your boundaries, your guilt, your exhaustion and your decisions. Your loved one is not in the room.
• Addiction counselling is for the person whose substance use is the concern.
• Couples counselling works on the relationship with both partners present. It is usually not the first step while active substance use is driving the conflict.

Many families end up using more than one, with different counsellors, so each person has a space that belongs to them.

What the First Sessions Usually Cover

Every counsellor works differently, but the early sessions tend to follow a similar shape.

Session one is mostly listening. You describe what is happening, what you have already tried, and what you want to change. You will not be told to leave anyone.

The next few sessions usually look at the patterns: where you over-function, what you are afraid will happen if you stop, and where the guilt comes from. Approaches such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) are common here.

After that, the work becomes practical. You might rehearse a conversation you have been avoiding, decide what you will and will not pay for, or plan what you will do the next time a crisis call comes at midnight.

Research backs up the idea that family members benefit from support of their own. In a randomized trial of 130 family members and partners of people with drinking problems, all three counselling approaches tested were associated with similar improvement in the family members’ own functioning and relationship quality (Miller, Meyers and Tonigan, 1999).

How Online Sessions Work in BC

Online codependency counselling runs the same way as an in-person session: 50 minutes, one to one, by secure video. It suits people in Vancouver, Victoria, the Okanagan and the North, where a counsellor who works with families affected by addiction may not be available locally.

A few things make it work better:

• Choose a private spot. If your loved one is at home, a parked car, a workplace room or a friend’s place may be easier to talk in.
• Use headphones. Only your side of the conversation is then audible.
• Have a plan if you are interrupted. Agree on a short phrase that means “I need to stop now”, and a way to pick up again.

If you live near Nanaimo, you can switch between in-person and online sessions as it suits you.

Questions to Ask Before You Book

A free consultation is the right time to ask:

1. How much of your work is with families affected by substance use? Experience with addiction on the family side matters.
2. Will you push me toward a particular decision? The answer should be no. Whether to stay, set new terms or step back is yours to decide.
3. What happens if my loved one wants to join later? Some counsellors will refer you to a colleague for joint work so your individual space stays yours.
4. Are you registered in BC? Look for a Registered Clinical Counsellor, a Registered Social Worker or another regulated professional.
5. How often would we meet, and for how long? Many people start weekly or every two weeks.

What It Costs in BC

Private counselling in BC is not covered by MSP, but many extended health plans cover it. Our individual sessions are $150 for 50 minutes; the full list is on the fees page. We offer direct billing for eligible plans and programs.

Before your first session, check:

• whether your plan covers the profession you are booking (for example “Registered Social Worker” or “Registered Clinical Counsellor”)
• the annual limit for mental health services
• whether claims could be seen by the plan holder, if you are covered through a partner’s or parent’s plan

Starting With The Counselling HUB

We offer codependency counselling in Nanaimo and online across BC. Sessions are with Mary Stasiuk, MSW, RSW, a Registered Social Worker with the BC College of Social Workers (#11050), who works with partners, parents, adult children and siblings of people struggling with substance use. If you live in Ontario, see our online codependency counselling for Ontario.

If you are still working out how to support the person you love, our guide to supporting a loved one with addiction is a useful place to start. When you are ready, book a free 15-minute consultation through the contact page.

If You Need Support Now

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 9-1-1. If you are having thoughts of suicide or feel unsafe, call or text 9-8-8, the Suicide Crisis Helpline, at any hour.

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Source: Miller WR, Meyers RJ, Tonigan JS. Engaging the unmotivated in treatment for alcohol problems: a comparison of three strategies for intervention through family members. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 1999.